“Your significance will remain forever obscure to you, but you may assume that you are fulfilling your role if you apply yourself to converting your experiences to the highest advantage of others.”
When my dad died, I was devastated. I had taken care of him for years, and over that time, our connection deepened in a way the little girl in me had always wanted. We cherished each other. And when he was gone, a tremendous source of boundless, constant, dependable love was gone, too. Yes, I had years of training and experience facilitating grief groups, but this was ME, MY unique grief, MY loss. I didn’t want to create a “new normal !” I wanted my dad !
I also knew that wasn’t going to happen…
So~~~ WHAT NOW?
My inner explorer rose up to save me. I wondered: What was left? What could I create? How might I use this whole experience to serve? On and on, QUESTIONS arrived. One led to another, and another. Soon I was making a list, journaling them, meditating upon them, and walking with them. Everything I was taught was true: rituals, structure, and routine offer comfort and sustenance in the midst of loss, and creativity can cure just about anything that ails you! As I consciously faced into and answered each question, I could feel myself getting stronger - empowered! It was as if my answers were threads and I was weaving my own inner safety net.
This is my wish for you.
With the encouragement and support of the Big Leap Home coaches at The Hendricks Institute, I created “Wonder-filled Grieving,” a collection of over 100 questions to facilitate conscious grieving. Below are 25 samples for you to download, print, and use however you desire. In groups, they can be placed in a container, passed around, drawn upon for discussion; tacked to a grief map, or discussion board; or spread out face down on a table for random picking. For individuals, the uses are endless and unique as the grief process. They can be tucked into a journal, a bathroom mirror, or favorite book; slipped into a purse or wallet; added to a home altar; drawn from a jar/basket on the kitchen table; or tacked onto a fridge.
I have used Linda's Wonder-filled Grieving cards when facilitating grief groups. The cards are an invitation to explore the vast experience of grief in a gentle and easy way. I was reminded that in one of my groups someone who had not talked about their loss in many sessions, used the question on the card as a bridge to begin expressing. I find they are a rich resource for an individual grieving as well as a group." - Michael D
Conscious Grieving
Conscious grieving includes your whole self - mind, body, spirit. Before answering these questions, give yourself the gift of being fully present. Bring all of you to the experience. Start with a simple body scan. Focus head to toe on any body sensations.
No judgement; just notice. Then notice your breathing. The word "spirit" is derived from the Latin "breath." Breathe into any sensations calling for attention. Notice, too, if your body want to move in a particular way, or make a sound. Allow it. Notice any thoughts, images, feelings that erupt, float by.
Send them love. Notice, notice, notice and lovingly welcome all. Approach this exploration with reverence. Value your natural, unique pace and evolution. This is a sacred journey. YOURS.
Wonder-Filled Grieving
To help groups and individuals navigate the rough waters of grief, i’ve developed Wonder-Filled Grieving Decks. These decks of cards offer useful and insightful questions to help springboard you or your group into supporting a conscious grieving process. Interested in a set?
Contact me today to check availability.
Alternatively, you can download an electronic version of a sampling of questions below.
These questions support a conscious grieving process
💜 What surprises you about the grief process?
💜 When you lost your beloved, what else did you lose?
💜 What do you need most right now ?
💜 What might you be angry about ?
💜 What might you be afraid of now?
💜 What do you appreciate about yourself -and maybe others - after this loss?
💜 Throughout this process, what choices are you proud of?
💜 What thoughts, memories, might you be purposely blocking, avoiding?
💜 What stories do you tell yourself about the last moments of your loved one’s life?
💜 What helps you move through the grief process ?
💜 What have you discovered about yourself since your loss?
💜 Who has loved you through ?
💜 How have you given meaning to the life of the person you lost ?
💜 How do you honor the life of the person you lost ?
💜 What do you appreciate about yourself - especially after this loss?
💜 What stories do you tell yourself about death?
💜 What, if any, “weird” experiences did you have after your loss?
💜 What role do you find yourself playing in your family since this loss? What would you change about that, if anything?
💜 What do you wish people would understand?
💜 What new things have you discovered about the person you lost?
💜 How has life changed since your loss ?
💜 What do you tell yourself about the future now ?
💜 Where does the memory of your lost loved one live in your body?
💜 Where do you get the inspiration to move through, on?
💜 What “silly” things trigger your grief?
💜 What old family dynamics do you notice rising since after your loss?