Divine Legacy

THE MUD ~ UNCONSCIOUSNESS

I love a good funeral.  I've been a hospice and bereavement volunteer for about fifteen years, so I've been to quite a few, and I always leave softened, enlightened, expanded and renewed.  All the people crying, remembering...  Their hearts breaking, opening, right down to their souls...  Sometimes I feel like I'm luxuriating in a shower of divine champagne - its bubbly, crystal-clear essence spewing willy-nilly everywhere, on everybody, and everything and ~~~  nobody cares.  Everyone has loved and lost.  Everyone is in pain, reaching for comfort.  Gathered to recall and feel the love again, our innards melt, our learned, hard layers are transformed from the inside out:  we become love.  Beaming love's attributes - generosity, patience,  reverence, harmony, compassion, forgiveness, gentleness, gratitude - we move slowly, speak softly.  Friends and foes sit side by side.  People who've held grudges for years, are civil, sing - embrace !  Acts of kindness erupt spontaneously, become piercing, treasured memories.   We even dress in our finest, Sunday best. And within a slice of time and cake, we are present, connected.  It's humanity's finest hour.

My favorite part is the eulogy.  Somehow, after all the remembrances, the person's WHOLE life is distilled into ONE SENTENCE.  ONE !  Think about it.  It's what we do:  George Carlin was a "brilliant wordsmith and comedian who struggled with alcohol and drugs;" Paul Newman was a "celebrated actor/director and peerless philanthropist;" Michael Jackson was "the greatest entertainer of all time.".And usually, no matter WHAT, the person is elevated to near sainthood:  John Smith, the former "bastard wife beater," is suddenly, MAGICALLY, spun into St. John, "a dear, sensitive man who lovingly made ice packs for his late wife's broken jaw."  Once someone is dead, we stretch to look for the good; while they're alive, not so much.

I always wonder:  what if the bereaved just told the truth ?  illuminated all sides of the deceased ? shared all their good and not so good memories ?  What if John Smith's daughter, for example, stood up and said, "I hated my father because he beat the hell out of my mother AND I loved him because he worked like a dog to put me through college ?"  And what if we had appreciated and celebrated John Smith while he was alive ?  Would it have been transformative ?  For him ?   US ?

Finally, and most importantly, I wonder what I want MY sentence to be ?  How do I form it EVERYDAY via thought, word and deed ?  It's kind of like the question, "what do you want to be when you grow up ?"  It's BIG, and yet it's a daily, second by second process that's mine to create.  I know I can't control what others will opine - their experience of me will be a reflection of their perception; but I can create a fulfilling life I'M proud of.

If I choose to.

If I'm conscious.

Some have told me I "think too much," "go too deep."  Tough turkey toes.  "Guilty" as charged !  I've devoted a lot of time, energy, passion and money to learn how to live consciously and I ain't gonna turn back now !  It would be like trying to forget how to read.  Impossible !  And why be alive if I'm not going to be fully awake for the experience ?  What a waste !  For sure I have stretches where I go completely unconscious - tis the nature of being human.  But for the most part, I live critically aware.  I've explored and discovered some of what I want my sentence to be.  It's now a matter of living up to my commitment, and practice, practice, practice !

So what about you ?  Are you awake ?  Are you willing ?  If so, begin.  What will make you proud ?  Feel fulfilled, successful ?  If you're interested in exploring, try this ~

~ Make a list of verbs that consistently describe you.

~Make a list of the things you've loved to do since you can remember.  Notice patterns.

~Write your own obituary.

~Wonder:  If you were part of an Indian tribe, what would your name/function be ? (The Great Listener, Healer, Teacher, etc.)

~Answer - What have you been known for ?  What do people generally remember about you ?

~And if you're feeling REALLY adventurous and impatient, try something my mentor Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks suggested.  Find a quiet place and lay on your back, knees bent, feet on the floor.  Take a few deep relaxing belly breaths, and then imagine you're back in the womb.  Still breathing slowly, deeply, gently ask your infant self:  What is my purpose ?  Why am I here ?  (My answer - much to my amazement ! - drifted up in a matter of minutes.)  Just keep breathing, letting your body move however it wants, knowing the answer is within.  It is.

The bottom line:  loss isn't the only path to love, oneness, our finest moments.  It's a choice.  Ours.  Every second.  No matter what.

What choose you ?

Beaming love ~~~

Linda