The Ultimate Ph.D. ~ Dr. Butterfly
This 60 Minute piece really affected me, gave me a dandy case of "monkey brain." Long after I slipped into bed, I felt her sadness, overwhelm. My gut still churned with fear and my eyes periodically filled with tears. My brain crackled with words, questions, thoughts...
Hmmm... Deep breaths.
I was remembering my own challenging days as a parent - single or married. The financial worries, balancing work, kids, home. I began to recall how I survived - though my challenges surely paled to hers ! THEN I remembered "that was then, this is now." Now I know the SURVIVAL goal is old and small. Most of us can survive; the question is "how do you THRIVE ?"
At the time, it was all I knew, and as the saying goes, "when you know better, you do better." For this young woman, and anyone else struggling with such massive challenges, I'm here to share MY lesson: At it's very core, THIS IS LIFE CALLING YOU TO BEGIN A MAJOR TRANSFORMATION OF YOU - what you believe, what you value, what you think, say, do, and want ! In short, it's an invitation for her to create her best life when she just can't take anymore ! If she is open and willing to commit, this CAN BE HER TURNING POINT, her "doctorate program in self recovery, discovery, actualization, and ultimately SELF LOVE.
It's a long process. Much like a caterpillar who wants to become a butterfly, you have to dissolve into a puddle of goo, completely dismantle your previous structure in order to fly. The first step is commitment.
If she was in front of me, committed, I would breathe with her, be fully present and ask her questions. Answering questions is empowering because (1) you know you're being seen and heard (2) the answers are uniquely yours, and (3) you might discover buried treasure. There's delight in that. Self respect and appreciation, too. Here are some of the questions I would ask, in no particular order. Perhaps some will resonate with you.
~What do you really want ?
~What is within your power to control ?
~What might be an easy first action toward what you want ?
~What fuels you ?
~What kind of support might feel good right now ?
~Where would you find that support ?
~What changes might you begin making in order to create THRIVING ?
~What conversations might you need to have ?
~What do you imagine a balanced life look like ?
~How do you want to remember this time 5, 10, 20 years from now ?
~How might you want your children to remember it ?
~What's your standard for "good enough" at home, for your kids, your husband ?
~What is calling you to "let go ?" ('cause sumpin's gotta give !)
~What will it take for you to let go ?
~What might you learn about yourself from this whole experience ?
~What old family of origin patterns would you like to break ?
~How might you go about breaking them ?
~What do you tell yourself about this situation ?
~What do you tell yourself about YOU ?
~What phone call could you make NOW as a first step toward creating what you want ?
~Who do you love ?
~Who loves you ?
~Is it possible to love and still let go ?
Maybe you would have others. I do.
Maybe you think I'm crazy.
Thank you !
I stand by my lessons. I still believe "everything happening in the physical realm is happening so I can heal/expand in the spiritual/emotional realm."
Beamin' awareness and deep compassion for all us butterflies !